My dears –
Over the last few weeks I have spent many a naughty evening
chatting with old, new and dear friends. Each evening has been full of
merriment, joy, and vulgarity – but also I have heard countless stories of
worry and concern about the entertainment business. So I just wanted to offer
some constructive words at the beginning of another year.
To actors - before you jump into 2014 just take a few moments to
consider what you want to achieve in the New Year.
Do you want to appear in a musical, do a school’s tour of Puppetry
Of The Penis, jump up and down in a physical theatre piece, or merely work for
no money at a lovely little fringe venue? This is the time of year when you
feel like you can start again, with a new vigour - and do whatever your flexible
little dramatic body wants you to do with it, dear.
Sadly, some actors out there will have had a tough time in 2013.
Each year the business gets harder – with less work being produced - and the
work that is often gets stolen by well-known faces. On top of this, every single year new actors
hatch out of the drama school egg and fly into the world of professional
theatre. And this terrifies many a seasoned actor. They live in fear of the new
breed of actor bursting onto the scene with fresh energy and vigour – devouring
the roles that would otherwise have been handed to the more mature players. To
these worried actors I say – ‘remain
calm and act on’. You have a talent and experience in the business that the
younger breed do not. Yes, the youthful actor has age on their side, they have
skinny jeans, floppy hair, and some of them can even walk and talk
at the same time. But this is nothing to worry about. Indeed, some of them may
even be quadruple threats – but you must remember that they are new and have
lots to learn. YOU are the Prefects of the playground and the bullies of the
bikeshed – you are the ones who have real life theatre experience – so do
not be disheartened. These new actors have no idea what it feels like waking up
next to sweaty old landladies off the theatre digs list. You have that
experience, and know always to avoid nibbling on their mouldy cornflakes. You
are aware of the strains and excesses of working on an equity minimum tour –
and the thrills that can come of drinking yourself into a stupor every night as
you drown out the pain of repeating the same lines night after night after
night. You have been there. You have the t-shirt, and you are qualified in the
art of being an Equity-Minimum-Approved-Actor. And for that you should be
proud, dear.
And for those newly graduated actors – you have the thrills,
spills and hills of an actors life to
look forward too. Days, months, and possibly years of keeping the house bills
down by warming your body with the application of Deep Heat. Breathing heavily
down the phone at your agent until they blag you an audition for the RSC – even
if the role only requires you to stand at the back dressed as a Shakespearean
tampon. One day you may even be elevated to an ‘ASM with understudy responsibilities’
- where you spend your whole time setting props, smiling at the ‘real’ actors,
and praying that the actor you are understudying dies in an unfortunate
accident involving the iambic pentameter - giving you the chance to
display your own rhyming couplets. And indeed, before you know it you will be
thrust into the limelight and your big chance will arrive. And when this moment
happens you have to remain calm, speak clearly, face the right way, and to
quote Olivier - ‘DON’T F*** IT UP’.
‘F***ing it up’ can have horrendous circumstances, and in severe
cases, horrendous circumcisions on your professional life. It can result in a
career of TIE, your agent not inviting you to their spring swingers party, and Sir
Peter Hall heckling you (and then pretending that he was actually asleep). This
COULD happen. But it WON’T, dear.
2014 is the year you
take control. It is the year when you stop moaning about what actor you want to
become and simply become it. If you get offered a job that involves playing a
trumpet, putting up the set, saying two lines, and providing your own costume –
and this job doesn’t thrill you – then simply turn it down! Never accept a job
because you think you should, or because your agent tells you too. YOU are in
charge of your career - not your agent who needs to pay for their new
walk-in-wardrobe, dear.
Over the years I have heard actors stating that they don’t feel
prepared for auditions, or don’t feel they have any power in the business. Well
use this new year to take control. If you feel unprepared, learn a new song -
or at least start singing one you already know in a different accent. And if you
feel you don’t have any power in the business - start writing, or start a
company, or just kill everyone that looks like you, and heighten your chances
of success. Every little step you make in progressing your career will make you
feel more positive.
And that’s what you need. A positive outlook. But of course if a
positive outlook makes you feel nauseous, just drink copious amounts of alcohol
and blag your way through the business. Many actors have done this their entire
lives, and still do. These people shall remain nameless – but you can always spot
them in the curtain call. They’re the ones stinking of cider and dribbling all
over the front row. Bless.
And if you are feeling down? Do a lunge, or a ball-change, or
simply display your jazz hands for the world to see. It is amazing what a
spontaneous jazz-hand can do to your mood. And indeed not only your mood but
the mood of everyone else around you. And a ball change? A ball change is
accepted anywhere. Do it in your gym, your local Tesco, The Ivy, or even
half-way through David Walliam’s Shakespeare speech when he’s letting Michael
Grandage fiddle with his Bottom.
To those working in theatre - celebrate, live, and be merry – you
are actors. You are crew. You are wardrobe. You are Front Of House. You are
Producers. You are Dressers. You are Bar Staff. You are Lighting Designers. You
are Directors. You are working for Anthony Sher’s RSC. Whoever you are – you
are in the business of SHOW. Embrace it. Love it. Enjoy it. Be proud of it.
Because after all – you’re not in it for the money. You’re in it for all the
beautiful people. And let’s be honest – sometimes you’re in it for the ugly
ones as well, dear.
And if all that fails – get yourself a nice bottle of bubbly and
celebrate the fact that at least you’re trying.
To every single person out there who works in theatre, supports
it, or simply loves it – have a marvellous 2014. And throughout this year
lets all help keep theatre alive. Support it. Cherish it. Because if we don’t the
government and local councils will do whatever they can to squash us - they’re
already trying their hardest. We are the ones that keep it alive. And if we can
all keep creating, striving, and offering new theatre and entertainment to the
public then we will thrive. And possibly even get some of that money back that
has been robbed from the arts. Lets not remember 2014 as the year the arts were
ruined by bloody funding cuts.
Bless you.
Kindest
WEP
x
Together we can make 2014 a Dom-filled one, dear.
Click here to order West End Producer's book - 'Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Acting (But Were Afraid To Ask, Dear)'
Click here to order West End Producer's book - 'Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Acting (But Were Afraid To Ask, Dear)'
